I lay with him, cuddling him against me and trying to remember all the words to the songs mom used to sing to Sarah and me as we fell asleep. I move and he whimpers and reaches for me in the darkness, clinging for comfort and security. I hold him close in my arms and close my eyes, singing all the songs I can think of and then repeating them. Gentle, soothing songs that lulled me to sleep all those years ago.
I'm four years old, mom's tucked me in and I'm snuggled under my blankets, I lie perfectly still as I listen to her singing to Sarah who is trying to go to sleep in the bunk below mine. I drift between sleep and consciousness, it's dark and everything's so cozy. As I lay there, listening to mom's gentle singing, the thought that someday, life won't be this simple never crosses my mind.
I pull myself back to 2012, and mull over how far back I can remember.
The furthest I remember, is 3 or 4 years old, laying in the dark, listening to mom sing to Sarah, or laying in mom's bed when Sarah wakes up in the night, waiting for her to go back to sleep as mom sits in her old orange arm chair, holding her.
I thought my first memory was from 5, consisting of fear, listening to him yelling at them, angry and upset because they wouldn't come out and work and me, curled up under the table, scared to death, sobbing until I'm shaking. It's the memory I've been holding onto to justify not forgiving the way he's hurt me over the years, and now as I remember memories earlier than this... I no longer can justify myself being bitter for my first memory being fearful, because mom has made a memory for me that will forever be imprinted in my mind,
"Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in thee; Let the water and the blood, From they wounded side which flowed, Be of sin the double cure; Save from wrath and make me pure."
As I move around the kitchen, being as silent as is possible when emptying a dish rack full of clanking dishes, and listening to mom putting him to sleep, I thank Him for showing me this and ask Him to help me forgive the past.
Life is how you look at it, if you want to be negative about it, everything's terrible. But if you look for the positive, you'll surely find at least one little blessing along the way! And I'm glad He showed me the good in my past today.
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"While we do His good will, He abides with us still, And with all who will trust and obey. Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." I listen to the lulling squeak of the rocking chair mixing with mom's voice as she rocks him to sleep for his afternoon nap, and nostalgia wraps around my heart as I float back through the years to to the nights mom used to sing Sarah and I to sleep like that. I'm four years old, mom's tucked me in and I'm snuggled under my blankets, I lie perfectly still as I listen to her singing to Sarah who is trying to go to sleep in the bunk below mine. I drift between sleep and consciousness, it's dark and everything's so cozy. As I lay there, listening to mom's gentle singing, the thought that someday, life won't be this simple never crosses my mind.
I pull myself back to 2012, and mull over how far back I can remember.
The furthest I remember, is 3 or 4 years old, laying in the dark, listening to mom sing to Sarah, or laying in mom's bed when Sarah wakes up in the night, waiting for her to go back to sleep as mom sits in her old orange arm chair, holding her.
I thought my first memory was from 5, consisting of fear, listening to him yelling at them, angry and upset because they wouldn't come out and work and me, curled up under the table, scared to death, sobbing until I'm shaking. It's the memory I've been holding onto to justify not forgiving the way he's hurt me over the years, and now as I remember memories earlier than this... I no longer can justify myself being bitter for my first memory being fearful, because mom has made a memory for me that will forever be imprinted in my mind,
"Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in thee; Let the water and the blood, From they wounded side which flowed, Be of sin the double cure; Save from wrath and make me pure."
As I move around the kitchen, being as silent as is possible when emptying a dish rack full of clanking dishes, and listening to mom putting him to sleep, I thank Him for showing me this and ask Him to help me forgive the past.
Life is how you look at it, if you want to be negative about it, everything's terrible. But if you look for the positive, you'll surely find at least one little blessing along the way! And I'm glad He showed me the good in my past today.
Thanks for sharing this sweet post...
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