To Save a Life -

Rain's diary:  

                                                                 Oct. 13

     Do they even know what their words are doing to me? I walk past them in the halls and all they talk about is me, like I'm a thing; 'she' and 'her' like my name is poison. How did I deserve this reputation? What did I ever do to them?

     "Did you hear what she did?"
 
     "They say that she will do anything for a guy."

     "Poor girl, so ugly, only way she can get attention is being a whore! No guy would want anything serious with her."

     And their looks piercing me through. Don't they see how brittle and aching my heart and soul are? How they're breaking me? All I ever tried to do was fit in. 
     This is the result of hurt... it's like a domino effect. You hurt, you feel threatened so you hurt back, you hurt others and the hurt ripples from person to person all around the planet because everyone is connected. It's ironic really, I'm so normal, to have this reputation, school slut, and it kills because I've always tried so hard to be the good girl, I'm a people pleaser, I wanna make everyone happy, everyone like me. It's crazy how fast a reputation can be smeared... this was Jake's revenge... I hope it makes him feel good.

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     Hailee's diary:

                                              Oct. 15

     I don't get it! I don't get how it makes someone feel so much more superior to put someone else down! So there's this girl at school, Rain, she just moved to the area and started school a week late so she was a little behind everyone else. Rain is gorgeous, she's Latino, perfect skin, perfect hair, these melt you expressive brown eyes and she's not petite but she's perfect when it comes to weight. Well, first day during lunch hour, Jake noticed her, of course, Jake gets everything good first, anyone else get's sloppy seconds, and Jake is a player. He woos a girl, gets what he wants and dumps her. But he also is extremely attractive when you first meet him and he get's good grades, so when he offered to help Rain catch up, she fell for it. 

     Rain and Jake started going out about a week later, and by the rules of the popular kids, the other girls had to accept her, she was Jake's girlfriend, and even though they were jealous, she was treated like a queen. But a week later he dumped her and rumors started going around that she cheated on him multiple times in that short week they were together. Now she's titled slut and the popular girls, daily treat her like scum. I came into the bathroom today and someone was in one of the stalls crying,  it was Rain.
     I'm the quiet girl. I know the truth about everything because I listen. I'm not hated or loved by anyone in the school. I don't have enemies or friends. I'm just the neutral girl, the girl that if someone needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, I'm there and everyone knows that. You tell me a secret, I take it to the grave with me.

     I waited and in a few minutes Rain came out, she looked surprised to see someone was in there, but when I asked her if she was okay, she opened up and told me her side of the story with her and Jake, I guess she just needed to get it out, someone to believe her and take her side.

     "When will I ever learn to quit trusting people?!" the agony in her tone was painful to hear.

     "I'm sorry he hurt you. We should have warned you. It really wasn't fair not to."

     "My reputation, I just got here, I was like, I've finally left my past where it is and I've got a new start, a new school, new people to make friends with, well so much for that!" She wiped fresh tears. "You know I'm not a slut don't you? I didn't cheat on Jake..." 

     "I know you didn't." I assure.

     "Truth is, I'm a virgin, honestly, I'm afraid to lose it, I'm afraid of turning into what my mom is, I'm afraid of a lot of things actually, I'm just not ready for that yet, Jake wanted to go faster than I wanted, I said no and he... tried to anyways." she trails off. "He broke up with me and smeared my name to all the popular kids, who I thought were my friends but now I see they were just waiting for his command so they could rip me to shreds and it kills me, I'm a people pleaser, I just wanted to make him happy, he was so good to me at first -" she started to push up the cuffs of her long sleeve shirt but then quickly pulled them down again, but I noticed the scars, some were fresh, angry red. She avoided my eyes in the mirror, a fake smile on her face. 

     How can he do that? Doesn't get what he wants so he turns a perfectly innocent life upside down? It makes me sick! This world is just wrong!

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Rain's diary:

                                                                 Jan. 21

     I wonder how they'll feel when they found out I'm not coming back to school? Wonder if they'll eventually miss me, if they'll be relieved, what will people say?

     I miss dad! I miss the way things used to be before he left us. I wish life would go back to normal. 

     I hate that mom works all the time. At least her occupation isn't what killed my reputation here, like the last school, no kid wants to be friends with a hookers daughter. Dad would have died before he let mom sell herself to support us. Life is so hopeless. Everyone changes. Mom changed, I've changed, we used to be so close, now she has no clue the scars on my arms, she has no clue what I'm going through, I have to hide it all and look strong, look like I don't give a care about the world hating me all around me caving in on me. It's so hopeless. I don't want to keep going. I'm tired. So tired. I don't feel like I can take one more breath. 

     Why can't just one person look at me for who I am? Maybe Hailee could... if I gave her a chance but it's too scary. I talked to her for a few minutes in the bathroom, Hailee's the kind of girl that somehow her ears are magnetic to your thoughts and tongue and it all just comes spilling out of you, everything that hurts and she listens and it's like salve the way she understands. Why didn't I meet her sooner?
     It feels too late, too hard, I'm done. I wanna give up and die. Just leave without saying goodbye, do everyone a favor, mom won't have to sell herself to support me, she'll be able to just get a guy and stay with him and he'll support her without me, a teenage daughter changing their minds about her. Why does life have to be so painful? I stole a bottle of mom's sleeping pills and some Vodka, I downed it a bit ago and I've started on the Vodka. I'm done with this daily torture, I'm done with the scars, life's not worth the struggles. I'm giving up...

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Hailee's Diary:

                                                                                        Jan. 23 

     I'm so horrified, I'm sickened by the kids in school, the way they treated Rain and the fact that the things that they are saying today. Rain overdosed on sleeping pills and Vodka late the 21st. She left her diary open on her bed, a suicide note? Or just writing out the pain...

     Those scars on her wrists, the haunted look in her eyes, I could have stopped it, I know I could have, I could have been her friend, somehow I know I could have stopped it... but I didn't! I didn't even try! 

     When she talked to me in the bathroom that day in October, I could have helped her somehow but I didn't! Because I'm the quiet girl, I don't push myself on people. I should have seen it coming. I know people. But I didn't see it. And in that I'm just as bad as the rest who bullied her. 

     I feel so guilty that I didn't stop her, almost like I killed her. She was so beautiful, so amazing, she had the most gorgeous smile and watching it fade away like death... watching the life and hope seep out of her, they never even knew a thing about her, only what they wanted to know, and they judged her by the conclusions they drew on information they conjured up out of hate. 

     Could have it been stopped? Could have I stopped her? How could I have known what to do to save her life...?