Fallen Heroes - Chapter 1

Okay guys, I'm not gonna upload more than the first chapter right now, I only have a little more than 3 of 7 chapters written, it's just a short book I guess unless I decide to change my plans, I do have a complete plot and chapter "skeletons" written out, just need to take the time to work on it, my style is kinda honest and out there and the subject I'm writing is a bit sensitive...I don't know if any of that needs to be changed, less detailed... Keep in mind this is a really rough draft, I need to go back and 'show' what's goin on a little more instead of 'telling' I tend to 'tell' more when I'm not as inspired... the first part in bold lettering was my original starting paragraph but then I got down to the end at the beginning of that next paragraph and was like 'Maybe this would be a better start' so yeah now that I'm done with this long intro...give me your thoughts! It'd be great to get some feedback from anyone reading this!:-)

Chapter 1: Insecurities

    Esther pulled on the same worn-out, black, t-shirt she’d worn nearly every day since first day of school. She wished that for once in her life she could wear a pretty dress to school like the other girls in first grade. She wondered why her mom never had any money, why did her mom have to be an alcoholic, constantly at the bar meeting new guys and bringing them home for the night? She dreaded school, the teasing and the bullying because she was poor, she barely made it through each day, only to an environment much worse.
    That night she lay in bed, she had tucked herself in, her mom had never tucked her in as far back as she could remember she always had to fend for herself. Her mom was too preoccupied by her tragic love life full of hook-ups that lasted a week at the longest. The night was hot making sleep almost impossible, and on top of the terrible humidity, she could hear her mom and the current boyfriend in the adjoining room.
    Esther silently cursed the paper thin walls of the trailer her mother rented. She tried to block out the sounds coming from the next room, sounds that no eight-year-old should understand, and yet she did. Years of pain and living in a less than ideal, rough living situation had hardened and pushed Esther to a maturity beyond her years, forced her to grow up. There was a hardened sense of reality about her no child should have.
     She squeezed her pillow over her ears and was finally able to sleep.
    Esther awoke suddenly to a figure standing over her, tall and husky, it was her mom’s boyfriend. He seated himself on the bed next to her. Fear swelled in her chest making it hard to breathe. She lay stiff, motionless, unsure what to do. He reached to stroke her hair with his large hands. She tensed beneath his fingers.
     “I won’t hurt you beautiful!” he crooned touching her face. Eventually his fingers began moving down over her body, her stomach, hips, legs- he stood suddenly and removed his boxers, then lowered his heavy body over hers, reaching for her underwear. She felt paralyzed, her heart raced. Mustering all of her strength she screamed loudly. He shoved his rough hand over her soft lips, cutting her off before she could scream.
    The pain was agonizing, she wondered how anyone could enjoy this act, it was so horrifying, so dirty, and violating! It seemed like an eternity but he finally got off of her and redressed himself.
    “If you dare tell anyone I’ll slit your throat!” He growled menacingly. She was silent, too shocked to even cry, “Did you hear me?” he slapped her face roughly. She just nodded.
    “Good!” and he left. She hugged herself, her body aching as well as her heart. She felt empty, defiled, violated. Tears burned her eyes and she closed them tight against the great frightening darkness, but the darkness brought horrifying images. She tried to sleep but she couldn’t. After an eternity of laying in the darkness, hugging herself, her whole body trembling, she finally fell into a haunted sleep.
    Her mom shook her awake, she flinched, her shoulder was bruised under her mom’s grasp.
    “Get ready for school, you’re gonna be late!” Esther groaned but immediately obeyed, knowing that delaying would only be rewarded with a slap or her mom dragging her out of bed.
    “What is on your nightgown?!” Her mom exclaimed, noticing the small spot of blood on Esther’s nighty. She ripped back the sheets and there was also a small amount of blood in the sheets.
    “You have your period. Get ready for school and I’ll find you a sanitary pad” her mom said grudgingly as if Esther had committed a crime.  
    Esther wondered what a period was and if it had anything to do with having been raped. She knew that sex and periods had something to do with babies, would she get pregnant? She felt terrified suddenly. What if she got pregnant? She’d heard the other girls a little older than her discussing all these things and they said having a baby hurt. She brushed tears away from her face and hurriedly changed her underwear and got dressed for school, putting her dirty clothes into her laundry basket. She would have to wash them later.
    “Here, put this into your underwear.” Her mom ordered handing her a sanitary pad, “And put this in your backpack for school.” she added handing her a few more.
    “Okay.” Esther wasn’t sure how to use it exactly. When her mom saw her standing looking at it in a confused manner she briefly explained its use.
    Esther wanted to ask her questions; what is a period? Why do women have them? How do they make babies? Will I get pregnant now that I have it? She felt confused and ashamed.
    She made it through the day again. All the day though, fear clenched her stomach, at lunch she didn’t touch her food, her stomach was too tight to eat anything, she thought she would vomit.
    That night her mom’s boyfriend was over again, she knew her mom must be sleeping when she heard a single person moving around, her mom’s boyfriend usually let himself out after they had finished. Dread filled her, her stomach knotted. What if he came in again. She didn’t have long to wonder, her door creaked open and a large figure once again entered her room.
    “Shhh! Don’t make a sound!” he whispered roughly and repeated his actions of the night before. And once again before he left he threatened her.
    Her mom, was still with this boyfriend, Brad, after three months, and they decided that he should move in with them. He didn’t have a job and hadn’t paid his rent, and got kicked out of his apartment.
    Esther despised him and she also feared him. For the first week everything was fine besides the parties and the friends that came with Brad. They shot heroin and cocaine and did prescription drugs. Esther quickly learned not to be around them when all this was going on. She was mostly ignored anyways. More than once she was raped by Brad or one of the other men, her mom was too high to even know what was going on.
    After a while things started getting worse, Brad was abusive, to Esther’s mom as well as herself, he still frequently raped her, making her feel guilty if she struggled at all and threatening her. She felt worthless and afraid of everyone. When it wasn’t Brad abusing her it was her mom. Occasionally they kept her home from school because of obvious bruises or burns.
    In turn, Esther was angry and abusive to other children on the playground, animals, anyone smaller than herself. She’d feel a rage building inside of her and then just explode. She felt terrible every time this happened but she couldn’t help herself. She mouthed off to the teachers and was sullen and distrustful, often getting herself into detention, she got mostly failing grades which earned her more beatings when she got home.
     She didn’t understand herself or her world, she wished she could escape somehow. She tried running away a few times but always got too scared and came back. Once she lasted for a week, stealing food and sleeping wherever she could in the alleys, she was wandering around town feeling lost and ran into a group of boys. They looked old even though they couldn’t have been older than seventeen, and they were much bigger, but then she was tiny for her age, thin and short, with long, thin, coarse black hair and big, clear blue eyes. She was dirty from head to toe and starved. Her black t-shirt was ripped and stained and her jeans were faded and dirty too.
    “Where ya think yar goin?” the biggest boy asked gruffly. He had greasy, shaggy shoulder length brown hair and hard green eyes. He was about twice her size and was also dirty and unkempt. There were three others besides himself, they were all a little smaller than him but still looked intimidating and hard.
    “I’m just walking.” she answered defiantly, trying to keep from showing how afraid she was.
    “Do ya know who I am?” he asked menacingly.
    “No.” she shook her head.
    “I’m the leader of the Angels.”
    “The Angels?” Esther felt confused, this didn’t ring a bell!
    “They’ve made headlines! How can you not know?”
    “I don’t know, I don’t watch news or read the newspaper.”
    “How old are you anyways?”
    “Ten.” she felt small.
    “Why are you out here on the streets? Mom and daddy kick ya out?”
    “No! I ran away.”
    “I like this girls’ attitude and she’s young yet, teachable, what ya say Ricky? Take her back with us?”
    “She’s a pretty one, a little thin, but she could be useful.” the boy addressed agreed. He was wearing dark jeans and a white t-shirt under a black leather jacket with a symbol on the front and back. His hair too was long and greesy like the first guys, except his was blond. He had light blue eyes and an almost handsome face.
    “So you want a place to stay and food? You don’t come back with us you won’t be safe, if you’re one of ours and as long as you’re loyal to the gang we’ll protect you. But you make one wrong move and you’re out. Deal?” She hesitated. “Or we can just take ya out right now if that seems more pleasant.” She shook her head,
    “I’ll come with you.”
    “Good.” She could see something in his eyes that she had never seen before, approval was it? She had never had any one approve of her before and she soaked it up. It was a good feeling.
    “What’s your name?”  
    “Esther.”
    “I’m Ron.”
    “Ron.” Esther repeated. “And you’re the leader?”
    “Pretty much. These are my boys, “Karlos, Rico and Ricky.”
    Rico was mexican looking, short and stocky, thick black hair and brown eyes. Karlos was tough and hard looking, brown eyes and brown hair, tall and muscular with a horrible red scar across his right cheek.
    
    Esther was initiated into the gang, when they got back, as Ron’s girlfriend. Gang life was alright. She was safe, she gave Ron what he wanted and he lavished affection on her and protected her. But even the horrors of home hadn’t prepared her for the horror stories in the gang. Fights, initiations, murder, theft. The Angels did make headlines. The boys ranged from fourteen to nineteen. Ron was seventeen.
    For the first month everything was safe and good, but eventually, she started helping them on their missions. At one point she was with Ron, they’d just jumped a rich looking guy for his money and they got busted, Ron dragged her with him, as they ran at one point she stumbled and fell, she recovered quickly but the police were there and they were on her. Ron tried to fight them off but in the end she was arrested and Ron escaped.
    She was told she’d be sent to a foster home.