Her face was hard and blank. She sat across from me, arms folded, one leg crossed over the other twisting her toes in little circles, her Mocha Latte steaming on the edge of the table in front of her. She refused to meet my eyes, refused to let me in.
"I know you have no reason to trust anyone." I say softly, longing to reach out and touch this girl I've met for coffee, help her, make it alright. "And if you don't trust me, I"ll understand, but I want you to know that I am going to be here for you, I may not have the answers but I care about your life and your pain." I gripped my coffee tighter, bringing it up to my mouth I took a sip, it scorched my tongue and I scrubbed it against my teeth trying to get rid of the burnt sensation.
She looked at me with eyes, glassy from unshed tears, and for a moment I felt as if a window to her soul had been opened and I was seeing her for who she really was, a lost scared child, alone and aching for love and forgiveness, compassion, help, someone to come along beside her and lead her to the light. For that moment, her expressive green eyes entreated me to help her. She leaned forwards, arms on the table, pleading with me to take away the pain.
I hesitated, searching for words, and just as quickly as she had opened up, she closed the shutters, securing behind the safe familiar chains, the entrance to her soul. My heart longed to tell her how in closing out the pain, she was chaining out the love she so desperately longed for as well. In trying to protect herself from hate and hurt and the nightmares that kept haunting her, she was really guarding herself from love and healing, that she would never find freedom from blocking out the tragedies and nightmares, denying that the scars are there when they are so obviously there, so real and vivid and painful, she would never find the healing and security she longed for.
But as I groped for the answers, my mind felt empty, I realized I had nothing to offer this hurting girl. We continued to sit, the desperate ticking of the clock as the seconds slipped away and we avoiding each others gaze continued in agonizing, hopeless silence.
"I know you have no reason to trust anyone." I say softly, longing to reach out and touch this girl I've met for coffee, help her, make it alright. "And if you don't trust me, I"ll understand, but I want you to know that I am going to be here for you, I may not have the answers but I care about your life and your pain." I gripped my coffee tighter, bringing it up to my mouth I took a sip, it scorched my tongue and I scrubbed it against my teeth trying to get rid of the burnt sensation.
She looked at me with eyes, glassy from unshed tears, and for a moment I felt as if a window to her soul had been opened and I was seeing her for who she really was, a lost scared child, alone and aching for love and forgiveness, compassion, help, someone to come along beside her and lead her to the light. For that moment, her expressive green eyes entreated me to help her. She leaned forwards, arms on the table, pleading with me to take away the pain.
I hesitated, searching for words, and just as quickly as she had opened up, she closed the shutters, securing behind the safe familiar chains, the entrance to her soul. My heart longed to tell her how in closing out the pain, she was chaining out the love she so desperately longed for as well. In trying to protect herself from hate and hurt and the nightmares that kept haunting her, she was really guarding herself from love and healing, that she would never find freedom from blocking out the tragedies and nightmares, denying that the scars are there when they are so obviously there, so real and vivid and painful, she would never find the healing and security she longed for.
But as I groped for the answers, my mind felt empty, I realized I had nothing to offer this hurting girl. We continued to sit, the desperate ticking of the clock as the seconds slipped away and we avoiding each others gaze continued in agonizing, hopeless silence.
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