Meant to Be - Part 1

Possible the beginning of chapter 1 of a novel? As if I need one more story to work on!

It's dark and cold as I step out into the frigid, unfriendly, December night. Wind tears at my jacket, trying to get inside, trying to wrap it's icy arms around me, freeze the life out of my body. But I'm hardly aware of the weather, as the wind whips and slices my face like icy knives. I don't mind the physical cold surrounding me, in fact, it's almost welcome, I wish it could take my mind off of the ache tearing my heart into pieces. So many questions crowd into my mind it feels like I could explode from the emotions I can't name. I beg the tears to come, as if that will take some of the pain but they refuse, my eyes are dry, my heart continues to ache. Why? I scream at the wind, why me? Why the pain? How is it possible to hurt this bad? Each time I hurt a little more, am a little more surprised at the depth of the intense aching pain. Is there such a thing as relief? each level makes me look back at the level before, wondering if I actually was hurting then because if I was, it was nothing like now. I wish I could lay down in one of the snow drifts and never get up. What if I did, just laid down, let myself drift into sleep, a dreamless sleep, a sleep that would last for eternity? I lie down and close my eyes against the immense dark evilness and hate of the world around me. It feels like I'm sinking, I'm no longer cold, warmth rocks me in it's arms, I'm falling through blackness and the ache where my heart once was doesn't exist. I feel empty, emotionless... only peace fills me. My mind is completely numb, darkness wraps around me and I swirl almost dizzily into nothingness. ...
 (to be continued?)


I started out writing this because the first sentence came to me and I wanted to get it down before it disappeared and the rest kinda just flowed. What do you think?